Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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