Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i think i just lost a toe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
