I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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