I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
