plz talk dirty to me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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