Define "chronic" masturbator.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
