I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
