made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
