Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
