That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
