I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
