i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
