Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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