I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
