the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
