the condom got lost in my hair
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
