Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
