im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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