grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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