lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
