he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
