Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
