A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
