I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
