How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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