So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize