I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The Olympian is in my bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
