I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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