Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
