theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
