hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
