I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
