He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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