you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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