i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
