I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
