just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
