even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
