Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
