i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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