he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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