First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
