Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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