My room smells like vodka and shame
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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