Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
