My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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