TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
