Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
