Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
