That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
