so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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