she smelled like a LAN party
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
