first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
