It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
