oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
