I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
