I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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