My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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