i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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