my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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