**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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