I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
