My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
