You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
