dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
