No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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