You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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