Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
