my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
