Too much gin, very little bucket
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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