and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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