Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
