considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
