yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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