You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
