Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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