my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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