capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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