The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
